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You Can Change Your Life Today?
It's that time again, have you heard that before? Seems like that time has become anytime nowadays, when depression and "other" disorders can seem to escalate in many lives from moderate to enormous distress levels. Holidays are no longer the most depressing for those who are alone or recently separated from a loved one or having issues coping with the stresses of daily life. Sometimes it can be traced back to a learned behavior (traditional hand me down behavior), other times it may be chemical imbalance, lacking in adaquate coping skills or just everyday stress that has gotten out of hand.
Those once holiday blues used to be the time where we revert back to memories that seem to crop up out of no where, grab our attention, disable our concentrate of the moment as our thoughts begin to wonder to yesterday, or years back reflecting moments of positive or sad events. Where our emotional roller coaster warms its engine for that climb up that highest hill where the other side is a straight drop to no where with no one. Today it has become most days for many who feel that way. Whether it is from past/present, unsuccessful experience with family members, an old love, childhood memories most of us would rather forget, life just seem to have a way of multiplying it's memories or making them seem greater than life itself.
The goal, while paved with good intentions of avoiding those re-occurring daily blues show up anyway. You know the ones I am talking about they show up uninvited every single time like clock work. We begin with the determination that we are going to leave them behind by repressing them, burying them deep within our mind. But we end up wallowing in them over and over again. What we seem to push way out there is the ability to confronting them face on or make a needed change in the circumstances/people in our lives. For some, the wallowing in that which is familiar is actually a comfort to us, destructive but yet quite comforting in its familiarity. Some of us by any means just cannot stand up, cannot find the strength or control, cannot beat the blues or let go of the elements that enables it to arise again and again. That is when it really becomes a disorder, the inability to cope or heal some form of stress or sadness within ourselves.
Today there are stress and panic epidemics plaguing America and possibly advancing the globe. From simply fears or lack of skill to panic disorders to PTSD.
PTSD unofficially, is not the average anxiety disorder, it is a fear and a comprehension disorder. PTSD is the body/mind's inability to conceive what you have visually seen, emotionally felt and/or physically endured. Its depth within your soul depends upon your individual genetic makeup and environmental/personality traits.
What happens when one experiences PTSD? They relive the traumatic circumstances within their mind/emotions/physical body. This event is no longer actually present for many but for others it is still a real possibility (but that is another post). Generally it is the total makeup of the body's way of cycling information/dangers that it could not cope with during the initial occurrence. The re-routing information to circuits better suited to processing within your own personality traits. PTSD is actually a protection like shock is to protect the whole being of the person.
Is PTSD a mental illness, NO it is not it is a normal process of your system currently out of order but working towards healing, it is a "disorder". Can it become a mental illness? I do not think so, but one's reactions can give the appearance of a "illness" of mental origin. Problems can come in when we interfere with the natural process. By refusing to acknowledge its reality and the process of which it is taking to heal. Also, by fearing its activity and allowing it to become out of proportion, mixing it with imagination and fighting its path. I am not saying to allow it to cause harm to you or another. It needs to be allow it to run its course to re-route those constructs we have created of how things should be into a reality of what they really are in certain circles. It in effect is having to re-wire your circuit board to accommodate the new stressful comprehensions. Another delay occurs when we take its projected activities and try to trust in them as reality. Believing that because we experience them that they are reality, they are not the reality they are the process of re-routing and accommodating your personality to accept that which was previously in-conceivable.
1) The inability to cope with some outside influence
2) The inability to discover the cause and affect of some traumatic event
3) The inability to retrieve your basic trust elements from deep within your essence
3) The determined ability to keep the basic trust element at bay
4) The determination to assure that the source of the traumatic event is the roadblock to that source before it has the ability to get close enough to again cause you harm or place you in danger.
5) The protection encasement that provides you security while you search or heal from the trauma.
6) The excuse to not be required to open yourself to additional harm by trusting and placing yourself in possible harm.
What is the hardest element to overcome when faced with PTSD? Trust, the ability to trust another individual, a situation/circumstance or an environment. Who rules this section of our makeup? We do, but not in the time as we perceive it but in the time alloted for its process to complete. We do not always have the ability to decide when and where we rule this section or in the allowance of trust to break through or fear to be contained.
For many, we hide behind the sheltered arms of darkness thinking others can see. Sometimes they can but most never notice the hell we walk in. We cower behind the walls of safety that surround us and the mental prison we create to protect us. One thing is for sure, it takes time and it takes our cooperation to allow the healing process to occur. Like panic attacks, the more we fight against them the greater they become, the more we accept its concepts, its ability to show us about ourselves while we search out its purpose the easier it becomes to handle.
There are many factors involved when dealing with the human mind/emotional and trusting nature. Many elements deriving from our individual makeup that determines the present outcome of a response. The first thing many of us experience after an event that triggers a fear response is the search for a reason or open doorway that allowed it to enter and attack. We turn this inward upon ourself image and began to analysis our person and our life dissecting it piece by piece to find that vulnerable place that left us open to harm.
For some of us it is an easy spot readily available for insight. While for others it is a time of soul/life searching for that open doorway, and then for the rest it is a never ending search for that which is NOT there because the problem/situation did not derive from us but from the predator that sought after us.
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Are You A Doormat?
Regardless of who you are, where you are or how you are no one can give respect to a doormat. A doormat is a place to stomp, wipe, grind, shake, the parts attached to the user that they have no use for or do not desire to carry into a place they do respect. Humm? That is exactly what one does when they approach a doormat, a place to dump all the un-desirable substance so that they can walk "clean" or (without that ugly baggage weighting them down). The opportunity to once again walk free and clear of the ugly ????.
So whatever becomes of that ugly, stinky, containment of substance containing God only knows what? Until some one cleans it up it remains in the doormat day after day, month after month. Sometimes it carries that substance until it cannot contain any more and begins to spill over at the sides. Sometimes another soul will see it and have mercy or the desire to set it free and cleans it.
At this point, some doormats taste a bit of freedom and like the breath of fresh air. They began to shake off the ugly substance trying to come back so it shakes and shimmers trying to continue to breathe. Other doormats may get the one (or another) that cleaned it to return again and again to maintain that cleanness. Then other doormats will just not have or desire the energy/self esteem to fight and will become so matted that eventually it will require throwing out and replaced by a new one. While others feel that they do not deserve to be anything but that doormat and that is a lie. Regardless of where you are coming from, what you have done or what someone has done to you. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO BE A DOORMAT! God did not create you to be a doormat, so many teachings have become twisted so that the truth cannot be seen. There is a difference between compromise or give and take and being a doormat.
Does your everyday life depend on your actions becoming to:
Prevent (the emotions or actions of another from becoming harmful, tantrums, anger, violent, controlling, etc.
Alter your life or reactions or the lives of your loved ones and friends to prevent onset or outbreak of negative reaction from another.
Are you being pushed into "overly" pleasing, that you have to always give all of yourself until you have become non-existent in order to actually to please that other person?
Do you find that your likes, hobbies, goals are becoming less important or maybe even being eliminated?
Has your family, friends, co-workers seem to have disappeared from spending time with you?
Do you find yourself more and more or even constantly making justifications and/or blaming yourself for things that another person has done or reacted unfavorably to?
Are you noticing that the "life" you have together (finances, friends, family, personal space, etc) is becoming more and more controlled by the other person and less yours?
Has your life become so dependent upon the emotional/Physical stability of another that you:
1) Alter how you are (allowed) to feel or have emotional/mental reaction to
2) Feel that you have nothing worthwhile to contribute, that you are to stupid, worthless or important
3) That how you think or feel about something are ALWAYS wrong, that they are not worthy of validation
4) Withdraw to the point that you no longer exist
3) Over please out of sub conscience fear and the threat of being harmed
4) Your everyday life depends on your ability to "control negative mood swings" and to bring peace or for stability in the emotions of another then you are a doormat and most likely in an abusive or becoming abusive relationship.
Please note: Not all persons are in a dangerous relationship and not all relationships are bad. The sad truth is that many are in "bad relationships" or on the path towards one and they may not see what really lies just ahead. For those who are in a bad relationship, being drawn into one (being manipulated and cannot see the dangers lurking down that rosy path) or trapped in fear and cannot get out.
The first thing an abuser will look for is your weakness, they know their behavior will never allow them to secure you under their control so they prey on your weakest point. That is the low self-esteem or the overly needy part of you that you may or may not even be aware of yourself. At this point they have found someone to release their "hidden side" to and you may feel as if you have found that perfect match who fulfills the needs others do not. This is all part of the manipulation to draw you into a place where they can gain control and lash out that "demon" waiting inside them to fulfill its desires. Ever wonder how they can be so sincerely sorry after an episode? This is why, they "the person" are truly sorry, it is the "demon personality" that has caused the harm but they feel responsible because they knew it was going to happen and they also either enjoy some portion of it and are un-willing to work at getting help or they do not know they can be helped.
For those of you who have given up your inner self to please or become a doormat you have not helped yourself or the one using you. In fact you are enabling them to continue to project that ugly substance upon another instead of seeing what is there inside of them. They will never be healed and freed by this method and you will never recover yourself as long as you lay down to become the doormat.
PTSD and the Court System
Whether it is a divorce, separation, restraining order, or child custody. If you have PTSD, the courts are mandated to offer you special accommodations while in court to protect you and to help your level of functioning due to the PTSD disorder.
You do have to have a legitimately disorder of PTSD, be diagnosed and have an Accommodations Report prepared by a professional that is presented to The ADA (American Disability Act). From there, special accommodations are granted.
Some people hesitate in getting diagnosed with PTSD because they are afraid of it's implication to them, their functioning level, or related to a mental illness diagnosis. It is not a Mental Illness, it is a disorder! PTSD is a trauma disorder. If you are diagnosed with it, it already implies you have been traumatized.
You are going to court regarding your traumatized relationship so it fits and it supports your argument in court as well as the symptoms that have arisen because of this relationship. If he was trauma producing, we need to say so. If we want the court to understand pathology, we need to teach them through our own experiences and relationships if we want the court to change.
PTSD does not necessarily have the stigma many fear. Vets that come home from war often have PTSD. Fighting for our country is honorable--they were doing a good thing but were damaged from giving their all to the situation. Abuse victims also suffer from PTSD, it is a natural occurrence that can help you if you let it. It does not always have to be viewed or dealt with in a negative manner.
If you have it, say it. Nothing starts healing until we accept and acknowledge it. Fear that you will be labeled "mentally ill" if the court acknowledges the PTSD should not be a concern, if it is then it is the court that errs.
Think you ex will not use every means available to go into court and attempt to show you are out of sorts? They will argue every point of your illness, behavior, or symptoms (whether they are true or not) in order to win? You don't think he's GOING to use some kind of emotional disorder argument? OF COURSE HE IS--that's what a pathological DOES? Be prepared, have your defense ready and tell the truth, do not allow them to deceive the court into thinking something far worse than PTSD. If you have PTSD, let IT be the label instead of something that can greatly impair your ability to get rehabilitative alimony, custody of your children, etc.
Having a PTSD diagnosis before court can greatly help HOW FAR the pathological can go in trying to make you look mentally ill. PTSD is NOT mental illness. Having a PTSD diagnosis may help prevent them from labeling you mentally ill with other more debilitating types of mental illness.
So don't discount your PTSD diagnosis. It may be your ace card!